live desperately;

for the clock is unforgiving

240 notes

with-grace-and-guts:

talk to shadows by Mikesh Kaos on Flickr.

honesty ?i’ve done these past years pretending that nothing affects me. i’ve closed myself off from the vast majority because i don’t want them to see any of my realness. because what if they don’t give a shit ? what if i open myself up and it goes right over their heads ? there’s a million roots we could follow here, but i know the main one is that it’s just hard to fucking believe i’m worth that much.
God’s been breaking over my head lately how much He loves me, reminding me of my worth, reminding me of who i am, reminding me of His ridiculous love for me. He knows He’s the only one who can sustain me, the only one who is strong enough to support me and craft me into who i truly am, and that is just one concept i really struggle with. He waits for me, patiently, even while i’m ignoring Him and disappointing Him.
right now i feel like a silly sixteen year old for the way i feel, but i keep struggling with destructive thoughts, like //you’re not being a good house mom // youre not as good as Hector/Keila/Lulu/Perla in video, who are you kidding? // youre just copying everyone else’s dream, youre nothing original // your photos suck in comparison to Lulu’s/Hector’s/your sister’s // you have no idea how to raise kids // and damnit the voices get into me and i can’t hear anything else. today, in church, Josh said “dont be discouraged if youre not getting it all right, you need to start somewhere, youre still a diamond in the rough yet.” and thats where i am, i just feel… completely rough, zero diamond.
sometimes i feel so idiotic for struggling with my self-worth yet, and shutting down like an upset teenager; it’s like i struggle with communication and don’t know how to speak. i’m good at raw honesty but i rarely open my mouth to let it out.

with-grace-and-guts:

talk to shadows by Mikesh Kaos on Flickr.

honesty ?
i’ve done these past years pretending that nothing affects me. i’ve closed myself off from the vast majority because i don’t want them to see any of my realness. because what if they don’t give a shit ? what if i open myself up and it goes right over their heads ? there’s a million roots we could follow here, but i know the main one is that it’s just hard to fucking believe i’m worth that much.

God’s been breaking over my head lately how much He loves me, reminding me of my worth, reminding me of who i am, reminding me of His ridiculous love for me. He knows He’s the only one who can sustain me, the only one who is strong enough to support me and craft me into who i truly am, and that is just one concept i really struggle with. He waits for me, patiently, even while i’m ignoring Him and disappointing Him.

right now i feel like a silly sixteen year old for the way i feel, but i keep struggling with destructive thoughts, like //you’re not being a good house mom // youre not as good as Hector/Keila/Lulu/Perla in video, who are you kidding? // youre just copying everyone else’s dream, youre nothing original // your photos suck in comparison to Lulu’s/Hector’s/your sister’s // you have no idea how to raise kids // and damnit the voices get into me and i can’t hear anything else. today, in church, Josh said “dont be discouraged if youre not getting it all right, you need to start somewhere, youre still a diamond in the rough yet.” and thats where i am, i just feel… completely rough, zero diamond.

sometimes i feel so idiotic for struggling with my self-worth yet, and shutting down like an upset teenager; it’s like i struggle with communication and don’t know how to speak. i’m good at raw honesty but i rarely open my mouth to let it out.

9,003 notes

Find meaning. Distinguish melancholy from sadness. Go out for a walk. It doesn’t have to be a romantic walk in the park, spring at its most spectacular moment, flowers and smells and outstanding poetical imagery smoothly transferring you into another world. It doesn’t have to be a walk during which you’ll have multiple life epiphanies and discover meanings no other brain ever managed to encounter. Do not be afraid of spending quality time by yourself. Find meaning or don’t find meaning but “steal” some time and give it freely and exclusively to your own self. Opt for privacy and solitude. That doesn’t make you antisocial or cause you to reject the rest of the world. But you need to breathe. And you need to be.
Albert Camus, Notebooks, 1951-1959   (via thatkindofwoman)

(Source: 2cleopatras, via thatkindofwoman)